English As a Second Language:
Some Cultural Rules for Successful Communication
Peter Reimold
To communicate successfully in America, you need to understand a bewildering variety of cultural rules. Here, I'll discuss two rather subtle cultural aspects of American speech of which you may not be aware: the trust/distance/privacy cluster and the significance of pitch.
Trust and Distance
Every culture seems to have its own standard conversational distance, which gives you a clue to how trusting or private people tend to feel. Our conversational distance is about one arm's length. At that distance, I could just about touch you -- but if I tried to punch you, you'd have a fair chance of avoiding the blow! In other words, we are not fanatic about privacy, but we also don't trust people that much.
In China and Japan, you would tend to keep a greater distance. Interestingly, you may also be less ready to share personal matters, and you'd spend more time in a business conversation establishing trust, because it can't be assumed. In Italy, on the other hand, you may stand a little closer and feel less inhibited to share feelings and personal information with strangers.
If you are trying to fit into the American culture, you must honor the American rules. On the one hand, if you get too close, you'll be seen as inappropriately confidential or aggressive, depending on your tone. On the other hand, if you keep too far back, you'll seem removed, fearful, or mistrustful. Perhaps you stand back simply because you are a private person and think that others want privacy, too -- but that's not how it will be interpreted! In this basic area, your only safe choice is to do what everybody else does.
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Get reasonably close and make good eye contact. |
Conversational distance tends to go along with volume and
eye contact: people or cultures that prefer a greater distance also
prefer a lower volume and less eye contact. To be appreciated in our culture,
you need to talk fairly loud and make firm eye contact. Deviations
from that are treated just like deviations from the distance norm.
Here are the basic rules for eye contact: 1. Keep full eye contact for at least a second, or you'll seem uncomfortable
or shifty. 2. After a few seconds, give the other person a moment of privacy by briefly
looking somewhere else. 3. Never look over people's shoulder -- they'll turn around to
see what's so interesting behind them!
Pitch is used in English to distinguish questions from statements: "Good?" (rising pitch) vs. "Good." (falling pitch) But pitch also has some cultural aspects which foreigners as well as natives do not always appreciate:
1. Keeping your pitch up in the middle of a sentence signals that you are not yet finished.
2. Using large pitch intervals expresses strong emotions such as surprise, pleasure, or annoyance.
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Dropping your pitch in the middle of a sentence invites interruptions. |
If you don't understand aspect #1, you will keep getting
interrupted, because listeners think you've finished talking. So,
lower your pitch at the end of a simple (non-question) sentence,
but keep the pitch up if you hesitate in the middle of a sentence.
The second cultural use of pitch -- as an expression of feelings -- relates
directly to our starting topic: trust and privacy. On the one hand, we don't
trust people who don't express feelings. So, if you talk in a monotone,
we may just not believe you. (We'll also be bored.) On the other hand, in
business talks or conversations, too much feeling as expressed by pitch
variation may make us doubt your credibility or authority. Apparently, Americans
expect you to keep some of those emotions private.
Work with three levels
of pitch.
The safest approach is to develop a habit of using three reasonably distinct levels of pitch. This will help you sound professional and credible yet also persuasive and emotionally committed.
Now, there is an interesting difference between the sexes: women tend to use more pitch levels (four vs. two or three) and greater pitch intervals than men. Do our guidelines mean that women should talk like men? Yes -- if they want to make it easier for themselves to succeed in business! In fact, if they enter the world of radio or TV as announcers, they may be specifically trained to reduce their pitch levels to two so they sound more like men. It may not be fair or rational, but for now, that seems to be the social reality.
Copyright (c) 1999 PERC Communications. All rights reserved.
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