Style Test and 8 Style Rules

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A Style Test Based on Eight Style Rules

Here are eight rules for a readable style, along with a quick test. Try your hand at revising all or just some of the examples! Certain terms, such as "redundancies" and "phony fancies," are defined at the end.

To view suggested solutions, click here.

1. MAKE IT LEAN

Trim redundancies (see below) and uninformative words:

By decreasing the height of the pin we decrease the capacitance, which could be a potential problem because the capacitance of the pin itself was measured to be 0.8 pF.

Meaningful goals are a crucial component of a measurement system which enables managing for efficiency improvement.

Omit irrelevant detail and unnecessary repetition:

With this in mind, Operations Analysis set out to develop a productivity measurement system that would be a tool plant management could use to guide decision making and to direct action toward successful productivity improvement.

2. WRITE EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN

Avoid unnecessary technical or business jargon (see below):

Also, our recommendation on the above-mentioned problem would include that the feed system interlock, as per manufacturer checksheet, should be verified on a regular basis.

Avoid "phony fancies" (see below):

During the month of June, an investigation was conducted by the Production Improvement Team into the numerous recent complaints relating to inconsistencies in product quality, with a view toward taking corrective action. The recommendations resulting from this investigation are anticipated to be issued in approximately one week.

Avoid clichés (see below):

It is the considered opinion of the committee that there is more to the absenteeism problem than greets the eye and that we should leave no stone unturned, since this is a matter of life and death for the company.

Slash through complex constructions and "write it as you would say it":

Similarly to plant managers', division management's long-range planning can be supported by productivity information concerning each plant's performance as compared to potential and past periods.

Replace difficult words or expressions (see below) with simple ones that cannot confuse the reader:

To mitigate these incipient problems, it would be spurious to engage in precipitate "remedial" action.

3. WRITE ONE THOUGHT TO A SENTENCE

We recommend and agree with the manufacturer, that with another set of isolation valves located at the Top Circulation (TC) pump suction and the High Pressure Feeder discharge, along with the existing valves at the inlet and outlet of the digester, could ensure that during repairs to the feed system, there would be no possible way, if the valves are properly sealed, for any liquor trapped in the Top Circulation line even after venting to drain into the work area, thus causing injury.

4. MAKE IT PERSONAL

Use personal pronouns and state who does what:

To protect confidential information related to this trial, a non-disclosure agreement between Acme Chemical and ARPO Institute will be prepared.

Rewrite using "you" and generally simplify:

A lender may charge an applicant reasonable fees for necessary services actually performed at the request of the applicant, including a fee for necessary services actually rendered in the preparation of the loan application.

5. USE THE ACTIVE VOICE WHENEVER POSSIBLE

In addition, the possibility of one all-inclusive performance metric which clearly ties together day-to-day plant performance, efficiency in resource consumption, and effectiveness in such areas as safety, quality, environmental compliance, and customer satisfaction can be explored.

6. AVOID "NOUNERY" (see below)

Use action verbs rather than noun constructions:

The relative aggressiveness of the plants in setting their goals for improvement in resource utilization and their success in meeting these goals can be monitored to evaluate plant performance.

Break up long noun clusters or compound nouns:

These circuits offer exceptional advantages in the military system microwave frequency spectrum.

7. BE POSITIVE WHEN POSSIBLE -- AVOID COMPLICATED OR DOUBLE NEGATIVES

This policy shall not be valid unless countersigned by our authorized representative.

8. KEEP RELATED CONCEPTS TOGETHER

Put modifiers next to the words they modify:

Two plant trials were run by the task team with the new automatic control system.

Put relative pronouns next to the nouns they replace:

A curve can now be generated which shows the effect of machine speed on basis weight variation.

Keep the verb close to its subject:

Comparison of the data pertaining to the brightness of product A, made in July, when water temperatures averaged 75oF, and product B, made in October, when water temperatures averaged 62oF, indicates that increased water temperatures tend to lower the brightness.

Some Definitions with Examples

Redundancies
Redundancies state the same idea twice. Cut out such fillers, and your readers will get your ideas twice as fast! For example, in the following expressions, the words in parentheses are unnecessary:

(absolute) essentials
follow (after)
appear (to be)
filled (to capacity)
(close) proximity
red (in color)
depreciate (in value)
passing) fad
if (it should turn out that)
cylindrical (in shape)
(advance) planning

Nounery
Nounery is an overuse of nouns. Verbs (e.g., guide, find) are simpler and stronger than nouns (e.g., guidance, determination) because they make us see the action. Learn to spot unnecessary nouns and translate them into verbs. As you can see in the following examples, the verb is also shorter than the noun construction.

Noun Construction:

has the ability to
be in agreement
render assistance
take cognizance
take into consideration

Better: Simple Verb

can
agree
help, assist
note
consider

Jargon
Jargon is insider language. People use it either because it is short (as in the case of abbreviations) or because it shows them to be "insiders." There are two problems with jargon: (1) it can be ugly and (2) it can confuse your some of your readers.

Ugly jargon includes
* Verbs unnecessarily derived from nouns when a simple verb already exists:
   - We solutioned this (from noun "solution" - but the verb "solve" already exists)
   - This impacted our operation (from the noun "impact" - but "affected" is available)
* Expressions rejected by style-conscious readers as sloppy, bureaucratic, or ridiculous:
   - As per your instructions ("As you requested" is more personal)
   - Enclosed please find (absurd request - "Here are" or "I am enclosing" are better)

Confusing jargon includes shorthand technical terms and especially abbreviations:
- We need to identify the FUPs and determine their UCs. (Spell out the abbreviations.)
- The latest worm to threaten our network… (Replace "worm" with an ordinary term or explain its meaning in parentheses.)

Difficult Words or Expressions
Even if you have a good vocabulary, many of your readers may have trouble understanding certain words, either because they are rare or because they are often confused with other words. In business writing, the safest approach is to avoid overly difficult words; in any case, never use them just to show off your sophistication.

Here are some words that are hard because they are rare:

obtuse
captious
inured
spurious

And here are some examples of words that tend to be confused. The starred words are the rarer ones that you're better off avoiding.

* allusion (implied or indirect reference)
illusion (mistaken belief or impression)
biannual (twice a year)
* biennial (every other year)
* exceptionable (objectionable)
exceptional outstanding, out of the ordinary)
* equable (even, balanced)
equitable (fair, just)
* fortuitous (accidental)
fortunate
* ingenuous (open, naïve, innocent)
ingenious (inventive, clever)
* noisome (offensive, foul)
noisy (loud)

Phony Fancies
Poor writers often think they can make their ideas seem more important by clothing them in fancier words. But most readers will not be impressed; they'll recognize this as a pathetic attempt to impress them. Also, if you do this habitually, most of your sentences will be twice as long as necessary - and your readers sure won't appreciate that! Here are some examples of phony fancies to avoid:

Phony Fancy:

a large number of
afford an opportunity
commence
has potential for
hold in abeyance
in view of the foregoing
procure
subsequent to

Simpler and Stronger:

many
allow
start
can
postpone
so
get
after

Clichés
Clichés are expressions that started as fresh images - a long time ago! By now, they are stale, and they may also be unclear. An occasional cliché is not a problem, as long as it fits, but avoid filling up your writing with such trite language - it makes you look as if you can't think for yourself. Here are some examples:

add insult to injury
bark up the wrong tree
bone of contention
face the music
flash in the pan
grind to a halt
left-handed compliment Test your knowledge of "Baseball English" (baseball terms that have found their way into regular English as cliches)!